Y’all I am hurting. This SPD thing is no joke. After sitting for a long period of time because of multiple Thanksgiving meals, I was out of commission for a couple of days! It’s like I need to plan one thing a week or else I’m too sore for anything else. It’s so frustrating. It’s just making me even more stressed. We went to Pumpkinferno the night before my shower and then sitting for hours at my shower had me suffering for almost the whole week.
These emotions are also wild. I literally laughed so hard at something with Kyle that I ended up sitting there and sobbing. It went from laughing so hard I could cry to legit just crying. What is up with that? It’s so draining. I’ve also been sick again a couple of times which makes me upset too. There’s no winning over here. I also cry so much over some things that it makes me throw up so it’s kind of a vicious cycle.
Baby Bean is doing well, she moves whenever her dad talks to her which is just rude cause I think she’s playing favourites. Kyle lovingly made me eat apple crisp in the middle of the night because the baby had to have it. I’m not gonna lie, I’m not mad about it! I’m so grateful for Kyle and how loving he has already been. And oh so patient with me! I know he’s going to be an amazing dad and I can’t wait to watch them together.
I took a bump picture on Thanksgiving. I thought I looked great and was really happy with how it turned out. A few hours later I took another one with Kyle and I was so upset. I look huge, my face is so much bigger. It genuinely looks like I gained at least 20 pounds in the small amount of time. My stretch marks are still coming in and I’m having a really hard time staying positive about it all. How could I love my body for such a brief period, see another picture and feel so gutted? How could something so small send me spiralling so quickly? I know it’s all an adjustment and I need to accept the changes happening to me but I’m struggling hard. I don’t think it helps when someone recently told me to say good bye to bikinis and get used to one pieces. Why on earth do I have to do that? So other people will be more comfortable about my body? Absolutely not. I was so affected, I don’t want my baby girl growing up hearing such negativity about bodies but it’s so hard when it’s all around us.
I want to work hard on setting a good example for her and if there’s something I don’t like about my body, it’s not something I would ever say in front of her. I need to work on loving myself so I can help her do the same. It’s all just very hard and such a long work in progress.
Current to do List: Pack our hospital bag, I packed the baby one though! It’s all in her diaper bag so thats progress. Work on Christmas shopping because it’s coming up fast and I won’t want to do it later!
Mood: Discouraged but hopeful? The picture really upset me but I’m working on being better! Also tired, I’m back to napping almost everyday.
Cravings: Fruit punch, Hot chocolate, ice water, and Indian food. Especially butter chicken.
Dislikes: Feeling restless and useless. The amount of pain I’m in and all the negativity I’ve been feeling. Going to get back into meditating and try to be more optimistic.
Any tips on how to be more positive, including being positive about my body, please share!