This day was so much harder than I thought it would be. Not only because you are my baby, but because you have changed so much in the past few months and it forces me to think about it. You have gone from needing me, holding me, and being close to me 24/7 to this little independent little boy I barely recognize. Don’t get me wrong, I love the child you are becoming I just didn’t think it would happen so fast.
Just a few short months ago, you were still waking multiple times through out the night and crawling into our bed. You still needed my warmth and heartbeat to fall asleep, even if it tooks hours. I dreaded too many of those night wakings and back aches from holding you for so long. If I had known that in just a few, short months later, you would be in your own bed, in your own room, no longer needing me to fall asleep and completly sleeping through the night, I would have held your sleeping body against mine for just a little while longer. I would have breathed in your sweet smell a little more, rubbed my cheek against your soft hair, and greeted your face in the dark with a smile. I still reach my hand down beside my bed, looking for yours, still listen for your heavy breathing and await your face next to mine in the morning.
I am happy knowing we gave you the confidence to transition so easily by waiting until you were ready to move into your sisters room, but part of me wishes you still needed me in there with you. My heart aches for the little baby you once were. Those days were so hard and I wished they would end far too many times than I would like to admit but I also thought they wouldn’t end so quickly. I am happy you are still a little love bug, you love to cuddle on the couch and cover us in kisses but nothing will ever compare to the bedsharing bond we shared.
Besides being Mr. Independant at bedtime, you have become so creative. You could build with blocks or magnet tiles all day long. You amaze us with your knowledge of letters, numbers and recently, you have started identifying dinosaurs. Your little brain is constantly working, whether its askng questions, singing or fixing all your cars, and I can’t wait for each day to see what you will come out with.
I love the way you say “of course!” when Nora asks to play with the toy you are playing with, how you look towards her for advice on what to do and how you exclaim “Nora is my best friend!”daily. I hope you guys stay so close, nothing makes me happier than seeing you guys together.
I will forever thank you Benjamin for changing me, and even though I’m still feeling a little lost right now, crying at how fast you are growing and changing, please remember how proud of you we are. You are such an amazing little boy who loves to make us giggle with all your silly monkey faces, forever doing things that make our heart race, but showering us in love and we couldn’t have asked for better. You and your sister complete us, and I couldn’t imagine my life any better than it is right now.