I’ve sat down to write this post no less than 10 times. It is hard, everything about this is just so hard but it needed to be done. I was with my boyfriend for a little over seven years. Every step we take in this break up hits me like a fresh wave of grief. We have split up, we have told the family, and now I’m packing my bags and sorting through all of our stuff to see what stays with who. We are going through it together and I will always love him and consider him to be a great friend.
We got together when I was nineteen. He was my first ‘real’ boyfriend and now it is over. It is crazy to think that from here on out, things will not be the same. Our time came though, we were content and comfortable but we just weren’t happy anymore and we both deserve to find that happiness. I want nothing but the best for him and I 100% am still going to visit him and the dogs. He is going to keep all three, I couldn’t bear to separate them and this is their home. I’ll miss them like crazy but it helps to know that I can still see them.
We ended on good terms and believe me when I say we have been talking about our feelings a whole lot. I’ve cried a whole lot, I’ve had really bad anxiety but I know we are doing the right thing. I know people will ask why we didn’t end it sooner if we weren’t happy anymore but I’ve come to realize that you can’t let anyone force you to make those decisions. If you’re thinking of leaving a relationship, that right there might be a sign that you probably should but you will not do it, no matter what anyone says until you are absolutely ready. You have to take things one step at a time. It is hard to think that you could be so crazy in love with someone and then you aren’t anymore. The difference of loving someone and being in love with them has become a lot more clear to me now.
I’ll miss his company but I’ll also miss his family. The breakfasts and holiday get togethers, his nephews which are the friggin cutest. His sisters have always been warm and accepting and I absolutely loved shit talking with them. I loved watching one of his sisters become such an amazing mother. I know he is proud of her and so am I. I couldn’t have asked for a better family but especially his mom. She always gave him shit and I loved it! She’s outspoken and kind hearted. I hope we will always stay in touch.
So for now I move back in with my parents until I decide on what is next. I’m extremely lucky that I have that option and I really appreciate it. I will have to get my own place at some point and live by myself for the first time ever. I need to love myself as my own person, not relying on anyone but myself. I have a lot to learn and it will be really hard but I know that I will be stronger for it. That I will grow as a person.
So this is it for now, who knows what will happen next but I’ll be sure to start writing more often.