As I sit here with a runny nose and congested chest, I was fully prepared to write another “poor me, this sucks” post. Now I’m not saying it doesn’t, but I was faced with a situation this week that has changed my view on this pregnancy completely.
I can’t go into details, as too many people that I know personally read this blog but I think that it is time for me to appreciate what I have. I don’t want to brag, but for these past couples days I can’t stop thinking to myself how I’ve gotten so lucky.
Not only have I been blessed with a healthy, living being inside of me, but the situation as a whole is a wonderful one to bring a child into. I am surrounded by an amazing group of friends and family who are going to love this child as much as I will, and a fiancé who shows me so much love that it makes me blush. How I lucked out and got a man so protective and proud of who his is is beyond me. This tough soccer-playing finance guy who talks and sings to our unborn child, what did I do to deserve this?
The reality of buying a house still hasn’t suck in yet, but as the final steps are coming to an end, I just want to stand on top of a mountain and tell the world: “Look everybody!! Look how amazing my life is!!” Is this horrible? These thoughts come to me as I think about how less fortunate those around me are. Is it luck? Choice? Fate? Will my happiness end shortly when the actual reality of having a family and home to take care of come true?
I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or what, but I have never been so stuck in the middle between pure happiness and so freaking scared. I know it’s normal to be scared of labour, but I’m more scared of what the future holds for my sweet baby girl. In this horrible world that just keeps on getting worse, no matter how good of parents or how good of a home life a child has had, they can still turn out to be horrible human beings.
This week I am…
Weeks: 38 weeks and 4 days
Cravings: sweet cravings are back! Donuts make me so happy
Dislikes: along with the craving for chocolate comes my good friend heartburn
Movements: my poor princess gets hiccups so often and there’s nothing I can do to help them :(. Besides that she’s kicking up a storm in there! We can feel what seems to be her little feet? And sometimes even an arm or leg! Never thought the end would be the best part.
Sleep: comes and goes, there’s good times and bad times. This cold has oddly been helping though.
Mood: I’m so emotional in these last few weeks of this waiting game. I’m excited and then not, happy and then worried, proud and then disappointed. All the feels.
Please tell me I’m not crazy? Someone? Anyone?