It seems like an eternity ago that I first found out about the little one growing inside of me, and here I am 10 weeks later writing about it. It seems silly now to think that I first thought something was wrong with me. Why am I feeling so sick? So nauseous and dizzy all the time? My first reaction of course, let’s change the diet! It’s probably just because I’m not eating right and not drinking enough water, but as I struggled with each passing meal, day after day, it dawned on me that maybe it wasn’t so simple.
A few nights later as I was laying in bed having gotten no food inside of me, my boyfriend casually suggested that maybe I was pregnant with his child. I laughed and said he was being silly. He told me that if I wasn’t feeling better by the end of that week, he would stop and pick up a test to be sure and if nothing else, narrow out a very possible answer. The next few days passed agonizingly slow, either I was dying of a horrible disease or my life was about to change forever.
I didn’t last more than two days before I told him to pick me up one, the anticipation was killing me! “Patience Julie,” he exclaimed as he researched the most effective and accurate ones on the market. Another long two days later, when the fastest 3 minutes of my life passed by, a sense of relief washed over me at those clear, both solid, lines.
Okay so now it’s time for the juicy stuff right? My first reaction to finding out what was wrong with me was horrible. Yes, there was relief because I wasn’t dying, but when you find out life changing news such as this, all these life regrets you never realized you had come over you. Or maybe you never have them before you have a child. Who knows. So these people pop into your head right, “but wait! I didn’t get a chance to sleep with him! Or him! Wait! Do I want to sleep with him?!” This realization comes over you that all of a sudden, in those 3 minutes it took for the stick to change, you are stuck with this person for the rest of your life. Yes, I used the word stuck and yes, the rest of your life is a long time. I all of a sudden start regretting all those times I didn’t shut up about how badly I wanted a child (ask my friends, it was often), and start to logically think about how my life is going to be different from now on.
The next couple weeks were hard, I was still very nauseous and couldn’t keep any food down even if I wanted to. I was in a horrible mood for all these moments kept washing over me: “I won’t be able to do this, or no Julie you can’t drink that.” So many restrictions, recommendations and so many appointments, things to prepare for. It was highly overwhelming, still is. The only thing that seems to be getting me by now is how happy this is making everyone around me. The way their face lights up when I enter a room, or their shocked faces at how fast my belly is growing. The people around me are what is making me realize how I need to start appreciating this and be happy for what is coming. A child is a blessing and I will have lots of time to do the things I can’t do. Except the boys, but that is a silly regret anyways.
Anyone want to tell me I’m not crazy? Or that I am? I would love to hear about your first reactions!